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How we lost ourselves

Is it just my age that makes me long for stability and cosiness? Maybe we only get tired, but there could be more to it. Absence of conflict and danger does not necessarily mean a boring life. It may be one of the main tasks of culture and tradition to avoid conflict and hostility by elaborating and maintaining a few simple rules that are easy to understand and to accept.
A couple of these rules prevailing in most societies concern the relationship between the sexes. Falling in love has always been one of the major sources of trouble and confusion for humans through the ages. We all invest (and waste) lots of energy into this matter. It often causes disappointment, grief, life-long bitterness and even murder or suicide.
It is no surprise that all societies subjected this matter to more or less strict regulations, mostly to the benefit and relief of all participants in this quarrelsome competition, and only rarely to their vexation. Such regulations may concern the presentation of sexual cues and behaviors in the public; partner choice; fidelity; and the appropriate comportment towards various members of a society.
In our days, we are inclined to leave it to everybody's own decision, how she/he would like to lead her/his personal life. It is often stated that two persons can do with each other whatever they decide by mutual agreement. But let's be honest: if we truthfully try to recollect the 'weak moments' of our lives, how reasonable have our decisions been in such situations?
Decisions are influenced by rules, and rules are adopted during critical developmental stages. We are never alone with our decisions, especially if these decisions involve a human partner. Absolute 'freedom of choice' is an illusion. A wise society will try to select rules very close to the natural inclinations of their members. By such a choice, most members will enjoy the illusion of freedom.
Established customs guide the members of a civilized society safely through complex multilateral relationships and will prevent embarrassing and humiliating situations. The malleable brain with its adaptable expression of genes involved in transcription, development, signaling and learning allows several vertebrates to switch to monogamous behavior (Young et al 2019). Probably also humans exploit this adaptive potential.
Under normal circumstances, successful education provided, spontaneous intuition would allow us to follow helpful cues provided by culture and tradition.  Unfortunately, exactly these helpful cues are progressively lost in our modern societies and replaced by meaningless distractors. After 2 devastating world wars we deemed it necessary to cut the roots of the old western cultures.
We declared the old rules as worthless, suspecting them to have caused several dozens of millions of deaths. Replacing them we introduced General Human Rights. No longer we follow our natural inclinations. We do no longer place our trust in them. Rather, we assign rights to everyone, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status.
We felt it necessary to remove all attributes once thought to be so characteristic of a human being. Such deprived and ripped naked we stand now helpless: no women, no men, no races, no cultures, no traditions any more. Just individuals with rights. Here we are, back to scratch. If you meet someone on the street: Don't look, don't listen. Keep your eyes on the road and steer clear of all prejudice...
Maybe I should try to illustrate my case more carefully, before you think of me as a racist, sexist or -ist of any kind. Of course we need to stick to Human Rights, there's no question about this. I just claim, that this will not be sufficient. We need something in addition. Not only the individual should be in the focus. We should never forget that a human individual can only stay human if it ('it'... hahaha...) - if she or he feels as the natural part of a greater ensemble.
And here the real problems start: our biology, our endocrinology. Agreeable and successful contacts with others are difficult to achieve and to maintain. As children, most of us found our first friends in a very easy way. But later, we lost most of them out of sight. As soon as hormones set in, other needs appear that ofter jeopardize our autonomy.
To deal satisfactorily with these needs we need rules, rules all members of a society are consenting with. Since half a century, these rules are drifting at a breath-taking pace. Conventions in a society will always be dynamic and subjected to continuous change, but in recent times these changes have been faster and more radical than the members of a society can take.
The result is, that more and more members simply drop out: they in one way or another leave the society. One way that easily goes unrecognized is withdrawal: people stop participating in communication, spend their time in passivity, just waiting for their death (sometimes helping to it). Another, more conspicuous way is to attack the society that has become alienated to oneself.
Can we go back to old rules? Societies can change. That's the advantage of culture and tradition: changes set in more quickly than possible if we would have to wait for genes and selection. We influence the rules by communication. That's what I'm trying to do right now, as others more famous than me try too as e.g. Francis Fukuyama and Alain Finkielkraut.
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Gender & society
Young RL, Ferkin MH, Ockendon-Powell NF, Orr VN, Phelps SM, Pogány A et al (2019) Conserved transcriptomic profiles underpin monogamy across  vertrebrates. PNAS 116: 1331-36
Fukuyama F (2018) Identity: The demand for dignity and the politics of resentment. Farrar, Straus & Giroux, New York.
Finkielkraut A (2013) Die unglückliche Identität. Gallimard.