To be what we are

If I - reluctantly - make a start into the topic 'gender',  my motivation for this insecure terrain rests on 3 cinematographic pillars. All 3 movies have in common the moment of surprise.
A Fantastic Woman
by Sebastián Lelio
(2017)
The Crying Game
by Neil Jordan
(1992)
Der Knochenmann
by Wolfgang Murnberger
(2009)
While gender is a main theme of the first 2 movies, it is just an irrelevant (but convincing) episode in the third one. All 3 films had an exceptionally large audience. There is a high chance that the reader of this essay is familiar with at least one of them.
At their first appearance, the 3 protagonists in case are charming females. If any of these movies is unknown to you, I envy you for the moment of surprise that still is ahead of you. If my memory is correct, in the two latter films a main (male) character confronted abruptly for the first time with the undeniable truth is running for the bathroom to throw up.
Taken together, these 3 pieces of art outlined to me the topic much better than any sophisticated monograph or symposium could have done. Another influence was a brain imaging study at the Medical University Vienna some years ago (Kranz et al 2014) on 23 female-to-male and 21 male- to-female transsexuals clearly demonstrating that 'subjective' inclinations reflect neuronal pathways in the brain.
If I ever had any doubt, the evidence exemplified above made it clear to me that humans sometimes feel alienated in the wrong body. The 3 movies seem to suggest a simple solution to this dismatch: Leave behind your biological chains and start living your inner feelings. The only significant hurdle is to convince the closests relatives. Others will soon  see you as you want to be seen.
One enigma remains: What is it to be male or female, if it is not biology? Don't we both, males and females, act reasonably? Aren't we both able to lead independent lives? How do we know what we are, if it is not by biology? Are there typical behavioral traits for this or the other gender? Do we lose any gender assignement if we are alone? Is this kind of difference always a question of action and reaction and only resulting from a social setting?
We don't know yet. Maybe any complex large society would develop categories amenable to ritualized patterns of cooperation. The male / female dichotomy is not the only one. You may also see a divide between young and old, between natives and foreigners, between the rich and the poor. Hopefully we deal with these and other contrasts in a fair and constructive way, to the benefit of mankind.
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Gender & society
Kranz et al (2014) White matter microstructure in transsexuals and controls investigated by diffusion tensor imaging. The J Neurosci 34/46: 15466-75