A CD for my mother
'Carelessly' is the title of a Billie Holiday song from 1937. Once the lyrics set in, I can't hold back my tears. It is even sufficient to remind me of this melody (as just now while I'm typing). Why is that so? I seem to be special in this respect. Others confronted with that song - as far as I noticed - do not suffer in the same way. But maybe they just hide their sentiment in my presence.
I recorded this song about a year ago for a compilation of hits from the 30ies. It was meant as an entertainment for my bed-ridden mother after her stroke in 2017. Now and then, when I come to see her, I select one of these CDs, and then it may happen that this Holiday song runs in the background. Hard to say if it means anything to her. Probably not, after all I've been thinking about my personal affection.
Just today, it seems that I solved the mystery around this and similar songs. The main point lies in the lyrics: the song is nothing else than a confession and apology. A woman is confessing something, that she feels like a guilt burdening her soul. And she confesses this to me, to the sensitive listener. She's aware that she has acted carelessly towards a former lover. Now she's sorry, but it is too late. The relationship has ended some time ago.
The meaning of all this came to me as a sudden insight. In real life, such a confession is nearly impossible. It can only be brought forward in a fictious piece of art. The song is about an attractive person, attractive most likely by virtue of her youth and beauty. And it is about her difficulties to decide on her companions. It seems that now she regrets one of these decisions. Now she feels that she should have stayed with someone, but she turned to the next. Carelessly.
In this 'game' is no room for such confessions. All disappointed part-time lovers desperately long for such confessions. They will not happen. They are not part of the game. They can only be part of a song. The performance of Billie Holiday is convincing. Apparently, she knew exactly what the song was about. Listeners with such experiences will hardly escape from the feeling. My mother married her first lover at 22 and is still with him after 70 years. She will appreciate the song at most for the nice melody.
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Music & art